I’ve collected data on comparison for years, starting with the research that informed The Gifts of Imperfection. This means significant parts of ur lives, including our future, are shaped by comparing ourselves to others. They describe how we use comparison not only to evaluate past and current outcomes, but to predict future prospects. Researchers Jerry Suls, René Martin, and Ladd Wheeler explain that “comparing the self with others, either intentionally or unintentionally, is a pervasive social phenomenon,” and how we perceive our standings or rankings with these comparisons can affect our self-concept, our level of aspiration, and our feelings of well-being. We’re going to start with comparison then get into more specific experiences. All of the experiences in this section are connected to comparison, and the goal is to raise our awareness about how and why they happen so we can name them, think about them, and make choices that reflect our values and our heart. This lack of awareness can lead to us showing up in ways that are hurtful to ourselves and others. More often than not, social comparison falls outside of our awareness-we don’t even know we’re doing it. Sorry, I had to.Ĭomparison is actually not an emotion, but it drives all sorts of big feelings that can affect our relationships and our self-worth. It applies to my time in the pool and everything else-how I parent, my work, my relationships-everything! Researching comparison helped me understand that, like it or not, I’m probably going to check the lanes next to me. I have this picture hanging in my study as a reminder to focus on my journey and to stop checking the lanes next to me. And I once hurt my shoulder trying to race a twentysomething triathlete in the next lane. When I go into comparison, I completely lose the meditation and alone time I need.

It’s embarrassing, but if I’m not paying attention, I can catch myself racing the person next to me, or comparing our strokes, or figuring out who has the best workout set. The only thing that can ruin a swim is when I shift my attention from my lane to what’s happening in the lanes next to me.

When I’m swimming laps you can’t call me or talk to me, it’s just me and the black stripe.

Swimming is the trifecta for me-exercise, meditation, and alone time.

Brene brown atlas